the aleph

It is clear this world will end
and I'm okay
I just want to do the things I need
before this show is over
to leave the world without regrets

memories of ephemeral moments
the rustle of leaves
the faces of lovers
I cannot let go of
so full of pain, of joy and love
so full of everything


It is okay if everything ends
if in that last fleeting moment
I could feel it all

I ain't got no type
bad bitches are the only ones that I like

I am torn down
Left hand path
All this time spent
looking for a real experience
Return to the tree of life

           Retain some of it

Turn the world inside out

I suffered a little
  the pain of tearing a hole
         through reality

tuesday

after the warm bustle of the last few days
filled with friends and love and happiness
I am alone again
soft black tentacles wrap around me
pulling me back into the darkness
of unsolvable questions
such as why you are not mine anymore
and why I am still yours

✛

I will be undone
live for nothing but truth
solitary
undeserving
remain stripped of all pretense
empty of form

in this barren place alone
can I be real

I am real.

I exist.

I hope.

✛✛✛

fall

worse than a fall from paradise
is the knowledge one has voluntarily left it.

Whole New World

I looked into your eyes and thought
that I could see a whole new world

I feel much happier when I sleep
because in my dreams I can be with you.

I could live in this world just like a stranger
I could tell you the truth or a lie
I could tell you that people are good in the end
but why would I lie?

I am not like I was before
I thought that nothing would change me.

I care for nothing
except you.

nothing matters anymore.

to abandon all hope
is the greatest source of inspiration

to put my head against your chest
gently
to feel your warm heartbeat
and cry
is all I could live for

Don't tell me that I am free
Don't tell me that I am free
Cause I have not been well
Lately...

Allein Allein Allein Allein
Will ich doch auch nicht sein
Komm doch rein, mach doch die Tür auf
Und halt mich fest
Für immer

cross over and turn
feel the spot don't let it burn
we all want we all yearn
be soft don't be stern

lullaby
was not supposed to make you cry
i sang the words i meant
i sang

When the world is sick
Can't no one be well?
But I dreamt we was all beautiful and strong

to sleep

      perchance to dream

is it what lies
at the heart of it all?
this sickening fear
of change & separation

sacrificed my first-born to feel okay in my skin.

The Three Shadows Part III

Oh gentlemen
Swallow your prayers
Because the wind makes a mockery of men
Your soul becomes a fish
You swim in idle waters
And drink other fishes piss
Your soul feeds on fish
On piss, puss and men
Who in turn, become as you have become
A fish
No, not even that, but a symbol of fish
Hooked by the baby flesh of maggots
A ripple of life in tin
This tin could become your world too
So choose between this and water
Choose between tin and piss
Do you still feel thirsty now
Are you thirsty now
Are you thirsty now
Do you still feel
Thirsty
Thirsty now?

I am enlightened

                   if only

                              for a day.

queer bitch
soft butch
androgynous femme
tomboy

What I would give to feel okay in my own skin for a day.

Malevich

I experience the world in monochrome. Color is just a distraction.

Perchance to dream

appetite for self-destruction

dream logic

nothing

this is nothing

I've seen before

it was boring after

Chapters

An elephant named Sadness.
Do animals dream?
The deflowering of a virgin.